Overflowing with Love
I fall hard and fast for people, locations, and experiences I'd like to repeat. I have so much love to give it just keeps pouring out. Sometimes that scares folks away. Sometimes it makes them suspicious. Sometimes they are right where I'm at, either overflowing with love or so depleted of it that my excess fills the holes, replenishes the supply.
I toned this down this for a long time, because someone told me I fell too fast. I didn't want to scare anyone else away.
Then I started skydiving. My love overflow translated to excitement for the sport, for the opportunities presenting themselves, and for the work I was doing. This drew some folks in closer and pushed others away.
But if there's one thing I learned in the four years that I willingly jumped out of airplanes for fun (and money), it's that nothing here is guaranteed.
I had friends leave on trips and not return home.
I had friends get on an airplane and not make it back to pack their parachute.
I stopped keeping track at some point, 15 is the last count I remember doing.
Imagine the deepest grief you've ever felt. The empty aches, the silent screaming, the stuffy and puffy face, the darkness.
Now imagine feeling that, imagine going through that cycle more than 15 times in the span of four years.
If you're new to my shiny little corner of the internet and you're wondering where the gratitude comes from, where the boundless energy for life and learning and the human experience comes from, it's that.
I learned quickly that we don't have as much time as we think we do on this planet. I learned quickly that everything can change in an instant. I learned we have choices. And that we can choose differently.
And I learned not to be afraid of that. Do I want to die? Of course not. Am I scared of death? Not anymore.
When I almost died in February, I wasn't scared, I was sad. I didn't want to leave, things were just getting good. I was sad that I had to leave this party. Sad that I might not get to see the adventure with Barry and Hiking My Feelings through.
Today? I'm just grateful to have the chance to do it all again. To make choices. To live. To love.