TALK 14 - Folsom REI
On Monday, I sat under a tree and rotated my chair all the way around the trunk, staying in the shade.
The heat (it's been over 100 for five days) and a call from my bank about a hold on my account zapped me of any confidence I had in what we are doing here. I wanted to throw in the towel. I wanted to quit. All I could do was sit. Physical exertion wasn't happening. My mental capacity was toast. The universe was telling me to pump the brakes, and I was SO uncomfortable, physically in the heat, and emotionally/mentally uncomfortable with just sitting, not doing anything.
I felt like a slacker. It felt like if I'm not constantly writing or hiking or speaking or promoting, I'm not trying hard enough.
I woke up Tuesday feeling like the whole world was conspiring against me. Like that hike in Yosemite, everything felt like a personal attack. I woke up before Barry, and when I declared it was time to go to the bathroom, he agreed, mentioning that he was waiting for me to wake up so he didn't disturb me. He knows I haven't been sleeping well. He's a literal unicorn angel husband walking on this earth with me.
But Tuesday was a talk day and when the first words out of his mouth weren't the usual "good morning, are you ready to make a difference today?" - I lost it.
I stomped to the bathroom. I stomped around the van. I stomped around about taking a shower. I stomped getting ready to go to the library to cool down. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Fussy crying. Desperate crying. Moving energy through my body that was otherwise trapped because of this heat and its oppressive effects on my body and how I usually manage my stress.
We got to REI early and I was thankful for the AC. The talk went really well, folks were super engaged, and they asked some really great questions. I always feel great during the talk, and after this one, I was on cloud nine. Back in my body, out of my head.
This tour and living in a van full-time is teaching me about what I need to show up and be my best self. Temperatures over 100 are not my jam. And some days, all you CAN do is sit, rotate with the sun, and wait for it to pass.