TALK 5 - Greenwood Village, Colorado
Before this talk, I didn't feel like myself. I had cried during the talk at the Westminster REI store, and I was feeling feelings about that. Before I started this tour, some of the folks closest to me feigned concern for my well being: "are you sure you're ready? I'm afraid someone is going to trigger you, then you'll flip out on them and run off stage."
That kind of passive-aggressive pretend concern is something I've been dealing with my whole life. And in the past, I let comments like that become my truth without question, and didn't pursue A LOT of my wildest dreams. Not surprisingly, the dreams that slipped through - skydiving, this work - have composed the most fulfilling chapters of my life.
Every once in awhile I feel like an arrow being loaded into a bow, pulled back before its release. Tension. Tightness. Stretched out. I'm doing some mindset work to start to recognize this feeling as a positive, because every time I feel this, magic follows. The tension and the "pulling back" feeling is what happens right before I have a breakthrough on something. That feeling, coupled with the fact that this week is the whole reason we scheduled a tour through Colorado to begin with, I know something good and important is coming.
I used to mistake this feeling for doom and gloom, and life being the self-fulfilling prophecy that it can be, doom and gloom usually followed. In training my mind to seek the best in a situation first, I had to let go of how many things I self-sabotaged in the past. I had to forgive myself for not knowing that I had a choice in everything. I had to forgive myself deeply, knowing that if I knew then what I know now, I would have chosen differently.
A lot of folks reserve Sundays for self-care - masks, pedicures, green juice, beauty routines - and that is all important. But it's not the end.
To me, the ultimate self-care, the real good deep stuff, is arriving at the place where we can choose to forgive ourselves.
It's harder than grabbing a juice.
It's more work that finding that perfect beauty routine.
It's not something you can buy, it's something you have to do, and BE.